Slaverette was a quaint coinage meaning dominant female that appeared on and off in the correspondence pages of John Willie’s Bizarre.
Slaverette
Vocabulary
Fauxdom(me)
Vocabulary
Fauxdom, fauxdomme, fauxdomination, fauxdommery are words best defined by the person using them at the time. Fauxdom(me) is mostly a verbal strategy.
Some people indulge in female domination as a very light form of sensual play. Domination per se is not part of the experience. Mostly it is a form of cheerful teasing. Others may engage in various levels of power exchange all the way up to what is often called lifestyle D/s. But many of even the latter group match what is traditionally thought of as Femdom.
Those who stress love, romance, tenderness, compassion, sometimes prefer mutual decision making often find themselves called “false” Dommes (Mistresses, Dominas) and submissive males, “submales” and the like. From whence these self-imagined arbiters of female domination derive their authority is hard to imagine. Mostly from their own fevered sex dreams I suspect.
Calling oneself a faux or “false” dominant reject the silly accusation and turns it into a positive description of a happy way of spending time with your lover. There are as many ways of enjoying fauxdomination as there are couple who don’t fall into some imaginary one true way of practicing “Femdom.”
The emergence of these neologisms in the blogosphere seems a sign of the spread of sexual sanity among people who no longer look to Elise Sutton or the Other World Kingdom as the basis for F/m fantasies and love affairs.
Temporary Piercing / Needle Play
Atypical BDSM
Rose of the Big Hush tried to sum up the feeling. “Pain orgasm” is an interesting phrase.
The pain is pretty sharp and abrupt, but doesn’t last long. For me, the feeling of intensity outways the pain considerably. I like to describe being pierced as something like a pain orgasm. There’s a sharp sensation right away which rapidly blossoms into a wave of pain that seems pretty independent of the piercing location. The pain diminishes rapidly once the needle stops moving. The piercing seems to cause an almost immediate release of endorphins. It can be a pretty rapid trip to subspace if you aren’t already there.
A different response to play piercing:
“Ow! Fu….hey, that doesn’t actually hurt! I mean…it’s painful… I think, but it doesn’t…hurt.” I said as a mixture of confusion, joy, and enlightenment raced across my face. I know it doesn’t really make any sense, but that’s how it felt at that instant.
Ten Basic Temporary Piercing Principles including the all important:
Do not attempt to temporarily pierce a person without proper training and education.
Unlike the more familiar permanent piercings, play piercings are temporary body piercings, usually made with thin needles, where the needle itself is left in for the duration of the scene and taken out at the end rather than replaced by jewellery. This game is usually regarded as an advanced SM speciality but is actually less heavy than it sounds, and relatively easy and safe provided proper precautions are taken.
Proper Needles for Needle Play
Atypical BDSM
More involved than the neophyte might expect:
As you probably know already from your accupuncture needle play the larger the gauge often the stronger the sensation. My personal preference is for at least 25 ga needles perfering 22 ga. the needles are less prone to deflection so I know where the pointed part is coming out. For even larger gauges 20 and larger try some piercing suppliers for example Gauntlet or Dakota steel. You can usually get up to 8 ga there. Piercing needles usually have no collar on them you just get the pin. This makes them I deal for lacing and temporary nullo play. At these larger gauges it is helpful to use a cork to recieve the needle on the other side as well as penninton clamps to keep the tissue from scooting out of the way.
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A lot of your gauge choice is going to be based on how much you want or can take… For genital play use smaller gauges and be careful with any play on the head of the cock there are extreemily vascular areas there that can create big problems if they are opened up with a fairly large gauge needle.
At the drug store:
- Insulin Needles:
These are probably not the kind you would like to use for playing: too short and not heavy enough in the gauge - The Nosy Pharmacist:
Just tell a white lie. If the needles do have a proper medical usage, simply say this is the reason for you buying them. (Here in Danmark they aren’t nosy). Now, I do know that some builders of model airplane and the likes use syringes and needles for the glue? - Needle Gauge & Length
You will probably like to get an assortment of neddles in different lengths and gauges. Depending on where, how and the intended effect both in the pain and viual department the size and gauge will wary. But the longer the needle, the thicker the needle needed due to stability. I once got some 0.40mm x 70mm, and they are very flexible and hard to control.
Aftercare
Vocabulary
Aftercare: a time after a scene for allowing both partners but most especially the bottom to transition back to conventional emotional space.
Some people will require food and drank, warm covering. For many couples there is a scene debriefing or at least conversation to assure neither partner was dissatisfied and to dispel any possible feelings of guilt. It may just be a time to site quietly and depending on the intimacy of those involved cuddle or hold one another.
Not providing adequate aftercare is a sign of extreme irresponsibility in a top.
Agnony & Ecstascy
Corporal Punishment
An interesting looking site mostly focusing on the erotics of consensual spanking:
Enjoy our site and get some ideas for enhancing your BDSM games, no matter if you just like some playful slaps as a prelude to sex, a sensual or sexual spanking, if you are into a Dominant/ submissive relationship, or even if you are into full-time slavery .
Make us the site you enter for information on erotic spankings, whippings, canings, floggings, and power exchange games in general, what is usually called BDSM, bondage, discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism (also known as sadomasochism or “sado”)
Even when our site is about games and playing for fun, we take it seriously. All information in the site has been carefully researched and checked against several sources (and, when possible, our own experiences). It is as accurate as we could make it (which, of course, doesn’t mean that it is perfect. We are humans, and bound to make mistakes).
Bondage Mittens
Pervertibles / DIY
Take a pair of ordinary tube socks, a pair of shorter “anklet” socks, and a roll of Duct tape.
Roll each anklet sock into a conical shape that is comfortable to grip in the center of a clenched fist.
While holding the small rolled sock in the fist, insert the hand into the larger full size tube sock. Pull sock up until hand is fully inserted.
Gently (without too much tension) wrap the hand (inside the sock) starting from the wrist and working smooth loops of tape over the entire exposed “bulb” of the hand. If necessary, use a single 8 inch strip over the top and back of the hand to cover the exposed rounded end. (This “back of the hand” strip can be applied first for greater security from tape tampering.)
Repeat with other hand.
Your sub is now VERY effectively incapacitated. The bulbous grip shape of the fist is too large to slip out of the improvised mitten, and the grip cannot be opened up to shrink effective size of the hand because of the shape of the encasement. The “grip sock” adds comfort and further complicates attempts to squirm out.
Attacking the tape overwrap with your teeth, or locating a sharp knife (which will be VERY difficult to use safely) are about the only way to escape these things… even when otherwise not restrained.
I have found that they can be worn for VERY long periods of time, so long as the overwrap is not so tight as to impede circulation. (A larger diameter grip sock helps with circulation by opening up the diameter of the grip.) Attempts to fight this bondage simply strain the muscles in the back of the wrist and hand and accomplish little or nothing!
The outer tape wrap can be secured against teeth in any number of ways, including:
- Pull the extra length of the tube sock back down over the wrist and wrapped hand. (If the wrap was done right, you won’t be able to pull the “restraint sock” off this way without un-wrapping it first.) Knot, or secure closed in some other way (staples?, stitches?), the open end of the sock.
- Secure the hands away from the mouth. (Given that the “victim” has no fingers to tamper with knots, this should be possible to do for even accomplished escape artists.)
- Gag the subject. (This removes the use of the lips!)
(Alcore Nilth, soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm)
Duct Tape Hood
Pervertibles / DIY
Instructions on making a duct tape hood:
—Use round cosmetic pads (clean of course) to pad over the eyes. If desired, you may also put ear plugs in.
—Cover head with the leg of an old nylon. (One that’s not *too* sheer)
—Using EMT scissors, cut small slit over mouth and nose. Don’t cut too big, because the hole will get larger.
—Mummify head with strips of duct tape. Duct tape should be applied snugly, but not too tight. As more duct tape is added, the hood will become more rigid. You don’t want it to slide around too much over the face. The head should very much feel “encased”.
—Using EMT scissors, carefully cut an “escape” hatch and then reseal with a single piece of duct tape that’s folded over at the end. In an emergency, you can have the person out of the hood very quickly.
—Naturally, do not tape over nostrils and mouth, but around them.
—Recommended to have some kind of code signal worked out in advance to signal duress.
—Be attentive to heat issues — it gets very hot inside the duct tape hood.
Clothespins for the Foolish
Pervertibles / DIY
Philip the Foole’s enhancement of clothespins for S&M:
My own humble contribution to the arsenal of extreme sadism is the “Foole Clip.” These are wooden clothespins that have a pair of push-pins facing each other to ensure a “non-slip grip.” Adjust the pin points so that they just barely project beyond the wood, not far enough to break the skin. These things are *incredibly* cruel, and will have most folks safewording in seconds. To make them more tolerable, put a wing bolt through the clothespin handles. Tightening the bolt will then hold the jaws apart. Loosening it will let them come closer together.
For those who don’t live close enough to Spokane for me to take their nipple measurements, each clip requires one wooden clothespin, two push pins, and one wing bolt for the fancy version. Drill a hole through both of the handles and insert the wing bolt through the holes. Drill holes slightly smaller than the push pins through the jaws, sandpaper the jaws smooth to avoid splinters, add the push pins to the desired depth, adjust the wing bolt for desired jaw spread, and you’re all set. Don’t overdo the point depth. These things are *very* nasty even when the points just barely protrude. I *don’t* recommend using these on a clothespin “zipper cord.”
CNC
Abbreviations & Acronyms
CNC: Consensual Non-Consent.
In looking for references to clarify my own thinking I came across this on usenet:
However, to try to clarify some of the ambiguity that I seem to have created:
I. Assumptions A. All of the following assumes that there is no external threat and that any power differential between the parties is agreed-upon. For example, I’m excluding cases of child abuse even if there’s no immediate physical threat.
B. All assessments of consent assume that it’s informed — nobody is deliberately withholding or falsifying information. (See also item I.G.)
C. I’m going to do my best to assume gender-neutrality as to who’s top and who’s bottom. If I slip, I apologize.
D. Tops get safewords, too, but I’m not going to address that in this post; it’s sufficiently complex already.
E. Midway through my outline, I realized that I’m addressing only SM scenes, not DS scenes. I don’t do DS, and I don’t have a gut-level understanding of how it works and where consent is and isn’t. I’m still going to use the BDSM acronym, though.
F. It was pointed out to me by one of the friends who reviewed this prior to my posting that there’s a grey area which probably isn’t assault but could be negligence, especially as regards the question of equipment (toy) maintenance.
G. Another grey area exists around failure to provide essential information; this may be more akin to fraud than to assault, but should be mentioned.
II. Vanilla sexual activity (not BDSM play) A. Vanilla sexual activity becomes assault at the moment consent is unambiguously withdrawn, or at the next possible moment where action can be taken or ceased. For example, assuming penis-in-vagina intercourse with the man on top, if he’s halfway through a thrust when she says “stop”, I’m not going to consider the remainder of that thrust and subsequent withdrawal assault — he may not be able to stop in mid-stroke. Same-same with woman on top — if she’s halfway down a stroke, she may not be able to stop immediately.
(Note: I have been advised that “In a male orgasm, there’s about a 3 second window before actual ejaculation, when it becomes inevitable, and a mental desire to stop may be non-operative physically. This doesn’t mean that *withdrawal* is impossible, just that the ejaculation *will* happen.” So I’ll modify A. to allow for that inevitability.)
B. I consider that both parties have the responsibility of being as clear as possible. If there is any question as to what is meant, I think the party who is uncertain should try to clarify. For example, “I don’t like this anymore” would ideally (IMO) have elicited a pause and the question, “Do you want to stop, then?”.
C. However, lack of follow-up on one part does not excuse the other party from the obligation to be clear. In the absence of threat, I think that “I don’t like this anymore” would ideally (IMO) have been followed up with “Please stop”.
III. BDSM play other than CNC (consensual non-consent) A. The activity becomes assault at the moment consent is unambiguously withdrawn, or at the next possible moment when action can be taken or ceased. For example, assuming a flogging, if the top is midway through a downstroke when the bottom says “stop”, I’m not necessarily going to consider it assault if that stroke falls, depending on how far from the bottom the flogger was, how fast it was moving, and so forth. For another example, if extensive bondage is involved and the top immediately begins undoing the bonds, I’m not going to consider the time it takes to remove everything as assault.
B. Unambiguous withdrawal of consent may include use of an agreed-upon safeword (e.g., “red”) or plain speech (“no”).
C. If an agreed-upon safeword is used, there is no excuse for not stopping immediately (or as soon as possible).
D. If plain speech is used, there are a couple of possible cases. 1. If the parties don’t know each other well enough to be certain that “no” is *not* a safeword, it is the top’s responsibility to check in and ask, “do you want to stop?”. If the bottom says yes, zie wants to stop, then there is no excuse for not stopping. If the bottom says no, zie doesn’t want to stop, then it is okay to continue with due care. 2. If the parties *do* know each other well enough to be certain that “no” is not a safeword, then it is okay to continue with due care.
E. I think that both parties have the responsibility to be as clear as possible. However, given that one possible object in BDSM is to induce an altered state in the bottom, the top has greater responsibility for clarifying ambiguity. More elegantly, and I’m quoting the same friend who pointed out the question of negligence, “the party with the greater ability to *respond* to an emergency has more responsibility to do so correctly.”
IV. BDSM play including CNC (consensual non-consent) A. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and not for beginners.
B. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and not for people who don’t know each other *really* well.
C. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and should be *thoroughly* negotiated in advance as to means and outcome.
D. I recognize that not everyone agrees with me on these points, especially item C.
E. However, given my preferred constraints (experienced players who know each other well and negotiate the hell out of the scene before starting), it becomes assault at the point where the top departs from the negotiated means or exceeds the negotiated outcomes.
F. Personally, I think that even in CNC scenes, claims of an emergency state (e.g., “I’m going to throw up” or “I can’t feel anything in my left leg”) should be considered the equivalent of safewords *unless* they have been specifically negotiated as information-only. I think it is incumbent upon the bottom not to lie or mislead the top about zir condition, and not to claim an emergency state if one does not exist.
G. Especially in CNC scenes, the top has great responsibility to observe, monitor, and interpret the bottom’s reactions. Again, “the party with the greater ability to *respond* to an emergency has more responsibility to do so correctly.”
Janet Miles - How Do We Deal
Topic Indices
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Abbreviations & Acronyms,
About,
Atypical BDSM,
Bondage,
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Gear,
Monthly Indices
Fetish Meme
Fetish Pop Culture
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Comments
- figger on Figging: thought i would share this, just recently learned
- gemini1766 on Duct Tape Hood: It would also be possible to make a pull-zip to op
- misstaylor on Asthenolagnia: Looking for some scenarios to use on My boys.
- Hchan on Acousticophilia: First, I should point out that I’m an acoust
- Yendorsgirl on Breath Play: I love breath play, the risk is worth the high!
- justine on Resistance Play: i like resistance play too. i have been called a
- Bobby on Figging: I have used figging for several years. One problem
- Richard on Trample Fetish: Thanks, your explanation is really appreciated.
