CNC

CNC: Consensual Non-Consent.

In looking for references to clarify my own thinking I came across this on usenet:

However, to try to clarify some of the ambiguity that I seem to have created:

I. Assumptions A. All of the following assumes that there is no external threat and that any power differential between the parties is agreed-upon. For example, I’m excluding cases of child abuse even if there’s no immediate physical threat.

B. All assessments of consent assume that it’s informed — nobody is deliberately withholding or falsifying information. (See also item I.G.)

C. I’m going to do my best to assume gender-neutrality as to who’s top and who’s bottom. If I slip, I apologize.

D. Tops get safewords, too, but I’m not going to address that in this post; it’s sufficiently complex already.

E. Midway through my outline, I realized that I’m addressing only SM scenes, not DS scenes. I don’t do DS, and I don’t have a gut-level understanding of how it works and where consent is and isn’t. I’m still going to use the BDSM acronym, though.

F. It was pointed out to me by one of the friends who reviewed this prior to my posting that there’s a grey area which probably isn’t assault but could be negligence, especially as regards the question of equipment (toy) maintenance.

G. Another grey area exists around failure to provide essential information; this may be more akin to fraud than to assault, but should be mentioned.

II. Vanilla sexual activity (not BDSM play) A. Vanilla sexual activity becomes assault at the moment consent is unambiguously withdrawn, or at the next possible moment where action can be taken or ceased. For example, assuming penis-in-vagina intercourse with the man on top, if he’s halfway through a thrust when she says “stop”, I’m not going to consider the remainder of that thrust and subsequent withdrawal assault — he may not be able to stop in mid-stroke. Same-same with woman on top — if she’s halfway down a stroke, she may not be able to stop immediately.

(Note: I have been advised that “In a male orgasm, there’s about a 3 second window before actual ejaculation, when it becomes inevitable, and a mental desire to stop may be non-operative physically. This doesn’t mean that *withdrawal* is impossible, just that the ejaculation *will* happen.” So I’ll modify A. to allow for that inevitability.)

B. I consider that both parties have the responsibility of being as clear as possible. If there is any question as to what is meant, I think the party who is uncertain should try to clarify. For example, “I don’t like this anymore” would ideally (IMO) have elicited a pause and the question, “Do you want to stop, then?”.

C. However, lack of follow-up on one part does not excuse the other party from the obligation to be clear. In the absence of threat, I think that “I don’t like this anymore” would ideally (IMO) have been followed up with “Please stop”.

III. BDSM play other than CNC (consensual non-consent) A. The activity becomes assault at the moment consent is unambiguously withdrawn, or at the next possible moment when action can be taken or ceased. For example, assuming a flogging, if the top is midway through a downstroke when the bottom says “stop”, I’m not necessarily going to consider it assault if that stroke falls, depending on how far from the bottom the flogger was, how fast it was moving, and so forth. For another example, if extensive bondage is involved and the top immediately begins undoing the bonds, I’m not going to consider the time it takes to remove everything as assault.

B. Unambiguous withdrawal of consent may include use of an agreed-upon safeword (e.g., “red”) or plain speech (“no”).

C. If an agreed-upon safeword is used, there is no excuse for not stopping immediately (or as soon as possible).

D. If plain speech is used, there are a couple of possible cases. 1. If the parties don’t know each other well enough to be certain that “no” is *not* a safeword, it is the top’s responsibility to check in and ask, “do you want to stop?”. If the bottom says yes, zie wants to stop, then there is no excuse for not stopping. If the bottom says no, zie doesn’t want to stop, then it is okay to continue with due care. 2. If the parties *do* know each other well enough to be certain that “no” is not a safeword, then it is okay to continue with due care.

E. I think that both parties have the responsibility to be as clear as possible. However, given that one possible object in BDSM is to induce an altered state in the bottom, the top has greater responsibility for clarifying ambiguity. More elegantly, and I’m quoting the same friend who pointed out the question of negligence, “the party with the greater ability to *respond* to an emergency has more responsibility to do so correctly.”

IV. BDSM play including CNC (consensual non-consent) A. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and not for beginners.

B. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and not for people who don’t know each other *really* well.

C. Personally, I think CNC is heavy and edgeplay and should be *thoroughly* negotiated in advance as to means and outcome.

D. I recognize that not everyone agrees with me on these points, especially item C.

E. However, given my preferred constraints (experienced players who know each other well and negotiate the hell out of the scene before starting), it becomes assault at the point where the top departs from the negotiated means or exceeds the negotiated outcomes.

F. Personally, I think that even in CNC scenes, claims of an emergency state (e.g., “I’m going to throw up” or “I can’t feel anything in my left leg”) should be considered the equivalent of safewords *unless* they have been specifically negotiated as information-only. I think it is incumbent upon the bottom not to lie or mislead the top about zir condition, and not to claim an emergency state if one does not exist.

G. Especially in CNC scenes, the top has great responsibility to observe, monitor, and interpret the bottom’s reactions. Again, “the party with the greater ability to *respond* to an emergency has more responsibility to do so correctly.”

Janet Miles - How Do We Deal